posted on 01 April 2016
Written by Econintersect
this post authored by Inrakluk Veejans, Ph.D Mathematics, Ph.D Economics
Econintersect is especially honored to have received this exclusive essay from a soon-to-be rising star in the economics world. See special note at the end of this article.
Most economics magazines, including Econintersect should be banned, their founders and editors banished from Earth. Why?
Because these magazines spread canards about economics.
With my unique knowledge in both mathematics and economics, I am always right unlike others who are always wrong. I specialize in in use of Eliiott Waves, Fibonacci Series and complex maths to accurately predict stock prices. I also double as a macro Economist who combines complex maths and astronomy to accurately foresee Macroeconomic trends. Here, for example, is one personal prediction for you: You will be dead before you are 120.
A Whole New World : Welcome To The Journey... you shall be flying on The Magic Carpet
I will show you A Whole New World..Fasten your seat belts on this Magic Carpet of Aladdin. Our journey begins in that ancient land of India, a country of snake charmers and software engineers. We fly West go to Europe and finally reach US.
We avoid flying over the Russian Federation and the Middle East . Russian missiles have viruses in their software, which cannot distinguish between civilian and military aircrafts; their IFF [ Identification friend or foe] radars are kaput. All aircrafts other than Russians are always tagged as foes. My sources tell me that the software was written in Bangalore and not in Pune or Hyderabad. We do not want you to be Banglored.
I refuse to divulge why we avoid flying over the Middle East; i have wife and kids you know.
I am widely traveled, have gone from Timbak One to Timbak Two. I am a time traveler - can travel effortlessly into past, present and future.This is the reason why i can see all past present and future at the same time.
Wait dear reader before you start smirking...borrow brains of your friends and relatives and watch the movie Interstellar for how this is possible. If after watching the movie a minimum of 11 times you don't get this, try this:
If you still don't get it do not panic, most folks do not get it but pretend to understand.
Alarmed by his audience walking away, Nolan has decided to make movies on Babus (the famed Indian Bureaucrats) on the way they influence the mind of everyone. This is a sequel to Inception. Nolan has promised that this time his audience will get it. They will because I am the Executive Producer and I will do a better job than Kip Thorn. We start with tour of India.
India has painful yearly periods starting precisely on February 28 or February 29 when the yearly finance budget is presented. The period lasts precisely two weeks after which the country settles down to its business as usual. This is a time when massive mood swings bordering on manic depressive can be observed. It is as if the country is suffering from a bipolar disorder. This time on February 29, 2016, it was tad different. the period was less painful and mood swings were quire different.
The kings, economists and people of far and distant lands were awe struck. How could a poor leader who could barely speak English do this miracle ? They have made glowing predictions on the Indian economy despite the gloom and doom elsewhere. But they are all wrong.
"What will be the growth rate?" they asked themselves, mentally tying themselves in endless knots.
"India's **** is becoming bigger than China" they chanted in unison.
[ Please keep your erotic thoughts to yourself for heavens sake; this is an economics magazine and not a U.S. Republican presidential debate.]
"How can this land do it when the world slipping into depression ?"
"Wonders of wonders even that inscrutable nation behind the Noodle Curtain has slowed. So how this nation so full of cows doing it?"
We understand Econintersect also had its own piece on India which was total baloney and not even worth linking here.
How is India doing it?
Simple! It is doing nothing. Like Cows chewing cud in the middle of the road, India saunters along at its own pace, unmindful of what is happening elsewhere. It is the others who have slowed down. Now you do not have to be an Einstein to get it.
OK, back to the question of what will be the growth rate?
Our prediction is simple. The Average growth rate for next 25 years will be *&****.
[Please!!!! Econintersect is free magazine, you think you want to know what is going to happen in future free of cost? Subscribe to my magazine , fees is $100 per month or pay per view of $ 25.99; yes and no free previews. For more information, see note at end of article.]
OK, India is land of ancient wisdom so why not take some wisdom instead?
Who should be a Country's Finance Leader?
A politician? Oh God why this obsession with politicians? This is a no brainer..right?
An Economist? Are you kidding me?
Lawyer? You got it!! A Lawyer in the same speech can prove that Inflation is actually Deflation or vice versa. Or he can justify why money was tightened yesterday and why it is being showered from helicopter today, or why the sun today is rising the West, the fact you think it is East is merely an illusion.
Who should be the Central Banker and who should the Economist Advisor?
Employ one a PhD in Economics from the Austrian School and the other the from Keynesian School. Next year throw a dice and pick them from London School, Harvard School, Columbia School or Tufu Ofu Ofu School from middle of Congo.
Whatever you do, never hire a heterodox economist - they just confuse things.
It does not really matter, but be sure that the two schools followed at any time never agree on anything. This gives livelihood to economists, and the economics press, including Econintersect.
The finance minister should be a lawyer with practice experience in India. The present minister is a Supreme court lawyer and so was the previous administration's finance minister.
They can prove inflation is deflation, growth is depression, can prove that growth can be achieved by showering helicopter money or by removing money.
It is lunch time so while our magic carpet cabin crew doles out plastic trash at you , here are two stories to entertain you. The Wifi hs been made free during this lunch break.
The Cab Driver and The Woman: Inspired By True Events
A drunk, naked woman wass getting into a cab. The cabbie scanned her from top to bottom.
"What??!! She snapped. "Have you not seen a naked woman before?"
Undeterred, the cabbie intensified his scan.
"No Ma'am, i am wondering where you have hidden the money to pay for the ride"
Moral Of The story: Cab drivers are rumored to be the best business people.
Lest you think this is figment of my imagination or the story has been plagiarized this is inspired from the tale below inspired by true events.
A Tale of "Kingfisher Airlines" aka "Woodpecker Airlines" or Pecker Airlines, "Kingfisher Beer", "Kingfisher Calendar Girls": True Events
Google the key words while you munch on the plastic food. We know you will be able to make connections. Let me assure you that even if you are drunk and are using quarter of of your brain you will get it. And be sure that when you Google Kingfisher Calendar Girls , search in images and turn the filter off.
See you on the other side of the lunch break. And if you are a script writer you can write your own block buster movie.
Welcome back! So who should lead the country?
A Politician? WTF!! Do you want your country to be divided perpetually on **** (fill in the blanks). Politicians can convert even simple problems into one of mob hysteria especially if elections are near...
An Economist? Well why not commit mass suicide instead?
Take your lessons from this ancient land of India . They had a venerable Prime Minister, a PhD. In Economic,s for ten years. He also had been a Central Banker , Finance Minister, Economic Adviser, a Professor........
What happened? While the hapless PM was trying to figure out which school of economics was right, he was caught is cross fire of political slug fest and big financial scams.
Then who? Well not anybody.
The leader should be a karma yogi , a business man , a workaholic who does not take a break and can survive on water while his colleagues gorge on food in the White House.
Well in India they could not get a taxi driver but they got hold of a tea vendor who understands economics better than his super hawk Central Banker and Economic Adviser with fetish for Helicopter Money.
So this time the annual budget period was less painful and the bipolardisorder was missing.
And where will India be 25 years from now?
How dumb! Same place.
Cursed Europe: The First World?
Wrong!!! Europe is the Third World and Chinindia the first World.
Europe is cursed. They will face two devastating plagues...The plague of Dutch Disease and The Plague of Balkanization
The U. What? Maybe UFO?
And that is all I have time for.
Special note: There is no coincidence that this is posted on April 1. It is the rambling of an idiot savant whose savant does not include anything rational, including the correct spelling of his name. April Fools!!!
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