JFK Met with Nikita Khrushchev in Heaven!

May 14th, 2014
in Op Ed, syndication

Written by Frank Li

Recently, John F. Kennedy and Nikita Khrushchev happened to meet in heaven. Believe it or not, NSA was listening and recorded their conversation. Better yet, I have obtained a copy of the tape via a friend working at NSA, and am hereby releasing it for your perusal.

Follow up:

John F. Kennedy (JFK): Good to see you again, Mr. Khrushchev! How are you?

Nikita Khrushchev (NK): Very well! Good to see you again, too, Mr. Kennedy!

JFK: Forgive my bad memory, but I believe the last time we met was during the Cuban missile crisis in October 1962, right?

NK: I think so, although I do not trust my memory anymore, either! I seem to recall that we resolved it amicably, to the satisfaction of both of our countries, as well as to the world!

JFK: That's how I remember it too.

NK: Well, a lot has happened since then ...

JFK: What event is the most prominent in your mind?

NK: The saddest thing for me is that the Soviet Union is no more - It was dissolved in 1991 and became Russia ... What about you?

JFK: America is deeply in trouble now, with stubborn high unemployment and a rapidly growing national debt already exceeding $17T! I am very worried, sleeplessly ...

NK: Well, democracy does not look much better communism.

JFK: I am not sure about that. Communism is dead, but democracy is still alive, if only barely.

NK: True.

JFK: Mr. Khrushchev, since we are now in heaven, we can be absolutely honest with each other. Tell me what your biggest accomplishment was and also your biggest mistake.

NK: My biggest accomplishment was to undo Stalinism at home.

JFK: And your biggest mistake?

NK: If you had asked me this question a few months ago, I would have answered that I undid Stalinism a bit too fast, which was good for my country, but bad for me personally. But since you are asking me today, my answer is that I gave Crimea away to Ukraine in 1954.

JFK: Why did you do that?

NK: Well ... My wife was from Ukraine - Let's leave it at that ...

JFK: Fair enough.

NK: Of course, the good news is that President Putin has just fixed my mistake. I have been sleeping a lot better since then ...

JFK: Good for you!

NK: It's my turn: what was your biggest accomplishment and what was the biggest mistake?

JFK: The biggest accomplishment? None, other than that I delivered a few memorable speeches! To be very honest with you, I had a bunch of good speech writers. I just recited what they wrote. But delivery is darn important, you know?

NK: Yes! What was your biggest mistake?

JFK: Perhaps I let LBJ know too early that he would be a one-term VP ...

NK: Why was that a mistake?

JFK: Well, let's leave it at that ...

NK: Fair enough.

JFK: Now, Mr. Khrushchev, may I tell you what your biggest mistake was in my view?

NK: Sure, go ahead.

JFK: It was your U.N. speech on October 12, 1960, when you said "we will bury you" (Khrushchev - we will bury you). Communism is dead, but you have yet to bury us. Ha, ha, ha ...

NK: Hey, you may be laughing too soon! At this pace, American democracy will not last as long as Soviet communism did (Longevity: American Democracy vs. Soviet Communism)!

JFK: What do you mean?

NK: Soviet communism lasted for 74 years, from 1917 to 1991. American democracy, counting from its true start in 1964 (i.e. the Civil Rights Act of 1964, when one person, one vote became a reality in America), has to live beyond 2038 in order to outlast Soviet communism in longevity. I don't think you can do that!

JFK: How can you say that?

NK: Look at America's trouble today, as you highlighted earlier! Do you know that you actually sowed the seeds in 1962 to ultimately bury America? That, to me, was your biggest mistake!

JFK: What do you mean?

NK: See, you signed Executive Order 10988 on January 17, 1962, allowing public-sector unions in the U.S.!

JFK: How was it a mistake?

NK: Who are they unionized against? The people of the United States of America!

JFK: Wow, you are just as blunt as you were decades ago!

NK: Didn't you know then that you might be destroying America's future?

JFK: Of course, I did! As a matter of fact, my idol, FDR, explicitly warned us against it in writing (FDR's letter on the Resolution of Federation of Federal Employees Against Strikes in Federal Service)!

NK: Why, then, did you do it?

JFK: For my own re-election! You see, that was, and still is, the highest priority for the American President throughout his first term! It's called "getting re-elected ad nauseam"!

NK: Even if it means to destroy America ultimately?

JFK: Yes, unfortunately ...

NK: I wish I could have done that: scarifying my country for myself by slowing down the pace of undoing Stalinism ...

JFK: Hmm ...

NK: To be fair, some Americans have blamed you too much! For example, true democracy (i.e. one person, one vote) in America started in 1964, after you came to heaven!

JFK: True. But do you know who was really behind the Civil Rights Act of 1964?

NK: LBJ! See, I knew what was going on in the world, although I was retired then.

JFK: No, it actually was me! I laid all the groundwork for it before I was assassinated. LBJ simply moved it forward and had the bill passed in Congress in 1964.

NK: Very good - I knew that! I thought you might not want to claim any credit for the Civil Rights Act of 1964, given the dire situation in America today ...

JFK: Why not? It's the truth!

NK: Let me tell you the real truth as I see it: democracy has been a proven failure throughout human history, without a single example of lasting success. It was largely based on that truth that your founding fathers built America as a republic with full-blown capitalism, but a limited version of democracy, specifically without one person, one vote!

JFK: True! But not many Americans know that.

NK: Is that why the U.S. morphed itself into a full-blown democracy over time?

JFK: Yes! It got out of hand along the way, especially with the progressive movement ...

NK: But you did the most damage!

JFK: Me? No way!

NK: Yes, you did! Accept it, so that you can sleep better, at least!

JFK: Okay, if it was truly me, I'll accept the blame, because I love America so much, even now, in heaven!

NK: If you can, let your people know that; the sooner, the better!

JFK: Even if I make them aware, how can it be fixed? Just undo Executive Order 10988, like you did with Stalinism?

NK: Yes, as a starter! But America needs to do much more now. There are two books out already: "Saving America, Chinese Style" and "The GOP Bible for 2016". Read them and follow the sound advice!

JFK: Have you read them?

NK: Yes, of course. They are masterpieces, written by a Chinese-American who truly understands communism, socialism, democracy, and capitalism.

JFK: Good! I will read them as soon as possible.

NK: Please do!

JFK: Hey, this has been a very enlightening conversation. We should meet more often from now on.

NK: Here is my card. I am available any time ...

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